Tuesday, March 23, 2010

I Think Your Tractor's Sexy

For a week, some lovely folks at UVM have been calling our house, looking for answers for their tractor safety survey. After three times of calling and getting just little old me, they finally settled, and before I knew it, I was ten minutes into a survey regarding a vehicle I have no idea how to operate. (Which I aim to change this summer.)

Q: How many tractors does your farm have?
A: One. But we don't really have a farm. (The Dogtor later tells me I am wrong - we have two tractors.)
Q: That's okay.

Q: Do you have a cab or roll bar on your tractor?
A: I don't know.
Q: I just need you to rate this as Very Important, Somewhat Important, or Not at All Important.
A: Somewhat Important.
A: Do you mind if I multi-task? I have to feed my daughter.
Q: No - that's fine.

Q: Do you know someone who has been killed or maimed by a tractor rollover?
A: Oh God. Probably. I don't know.
Q: Would you say Very Important, Somewhat Important, or Not at All Important?
A: Very Important?

Q: Where do you go for tractor safety information?
A: Do you want me to tell you where I'd go or where the people who operate the tractor would go? Because they are very different.
Q: Where would you go?
A: A neighbor. The Internet.
Q: A neighbor. That's a good one.

Q: Do you have any farm animals?
A: Kind of. They're pets.
Q: What kind of farm animals do you have?
A: Two sterile goats and a lame, thirty-year old horse.

Q: Thank you. You've been very helpful.
A: I'm not so sure about that. I'm sorry.

"Q" was super kind, and in retrospect, I feel awful that I may have skewed her academic data. So, when you are reading the tractor study, please ignore the outlier that screams "former corporate consultant masquerading as farm wife."


  1. While answering telephone surveys has never been my strong suit, reading the transcript of yours has been transcendental. "A neighbor. That's a good one." Comedy gold. Thanks much for the retelling!

  2. I learned to drive on a tractor. It was red.

  3. I think I wrote my own "book" - covered in sweet 80's wallpaper - in 3rd grade about riding my uncle's tractor. No driving involved, though.

  4. "former corporate consultant masquerading as farm wife"... hahaaa!! i'm going to need lots of pointers about how to fake it till i make it as a farm wife...